I Went To Church This Morning

I went to church this morning
And I sat down in the pews.
I sat through all the hymns,
and I began to think of you.

I wondered what you'd think if you knew that I was here.
I wondered if I was supposed to feel that somehow, God was near.

I went to church this morning,
A yoga-loving Buddhist
Pastor Tony looked at me,
And I knew that he knew this.

I went to church this morning,
and I didn't take Communion.
Forgive me, but the blood of Christ
Is not what I dip my food in.

They played religious music,
then they went up and broke the bread.
I thought I'd be a hypocrite,
so I sat and stared instead.

They had a "crown of thorns".
It was sitting on the table.
They all believed in Jesus.
But me, I wasn't able.

I went to church this morning,
Around my neck, I wore no cross.
I wore a silver aum instead
To support my Eastern cause.

I went to church this morning,
And I listened to them sing.
I only thought of how false it was
And how it didn't mean a thing.

The prayers which they offered forth
Seemed to be falling on deaf ears.
But these people openly admitted
Their sickness, hopes and fears.

Starting their "Our Fathers",
The congregation truly believed
That God was going to help them
If they knelt down on their knees.

I went to church this morning,
And it solidified my belief
That church is not my favorite thing
And brings people no relief.

I went to church this morning,
And I don't believe in God.
I do not care that Jesus
Was nailed upon a cross.

I don't believe in heaven,
I don't think I'll go to hell.
I left the church as I entered
And all was good and well.

Since when is competition the root of all evil?
I'm no capitalist, but I don't think that absolute equality is the way to go.
You know what? You have stupid kids. They're born stupid.
We need stupid people and we need smart people. We do not need everybody inthe world to think that they're as good as the person beside them. Because while they have the same rights and opportunities, they do not have the mental capacity to embrace those opportunities.
There is no reason that people who are different should be "equalized".

I rarely find reason to write anymore.
It's not because I have nothing to write about, god, no.
It's because there are so many things in my head...
That it's really difficult to pull one out and elaborate on it.

Every thought is unoriginal.
I'm fairly sure I've thought all of them before.

This song is so good.
I wish I had the capacity to type out the lyrics.

[Why can't you come out and say it?]

I don't get what I'm doing here. Usually, I can pick my target, hover around it for a couple of days, then make it torturously apparent that I might be interested.
Then, it happens, and that's how it goes. I always get it pretty much all right.
I always make it obvious, but not so obvious that they think they might have a shot.

Right now, I feel stupid and like I'm either making it too obvious or not obvious at all. Or maybe they suspect, but don't care enough to engage.
The designer says I'm a fighter, but I can't feel my fucking legs.

Come out and say it.
Why can't you come out and say it?

Maybe this is a totally stupid idea. Maybe the stigma and the apathy is still there from eighth grade. Maybe it's still like that. Four years later, and we're still in the same place.
But we can't be. We've both grown enough to realize how stupid that is.

And you can only be SO similar to a person that you think is cool and good-looking without actually being interested, right?

The sound of dialogue, translated by a hack...
She still has time to surprise attack.

This year is bizzare. I feel like I'm floating around everything I do, and not actually engaging in it.

Right now I'm totally tuned out because of this song.
But I can't feel my fucking legs.

She still has time to surprise attack.

Why can't you come out and say it?

I know that it's sad
But you know, hah, it's true.
The only reason I stay awake,
is so I can talk to you.

Repetition of stigmas.

I am breaking it. I have broken it. It is broken.

I am fully capable.

My veins are on fire.
I have an incendiary circulatory system.
My blood is in flames.
Make me burn.
There's fire inside me.
Fuck extinguishers.

I have written so many blogs on how I
"feel",
That I'm starting to doubt the fact
that I "feel"
that way.

It was kind of like a bad dream.
I picked up the phone, thought everything was fixed, finally, but in reality, everything was so much worse.
You know that really bad cliche, "walls came tumbling down" or whatever?
It was like that, only it wasn't just walls, it was the floor and the ceiling, too. So I'm left, like, sitting on chairs in my front yard.
I feel completely naked and exposed. I put myself out there. If love were real...
Maybe love is just this fake word for really, really liking somebody. Either way. Maybe I loved him. Maybe I didn't. Either way, that hurt. A lot.
The worst part was when he told me that is was my fault, because he couldn't trust me.
I don't want to be with him again when he's gone. I don't want to be his friend right now. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want him to know that he actually affected me, but that crazy part of me wants to demonstrate every single day how much I hate him.
If he would just come back...
I'm just so confused. I hate him.
If he hadn't told me that...
I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know it was this wrong.
I want to cry again.